#MourningandMedia

So many blogs have been written about social media in the past decade and the weight that it holds in our lives. Lately I have been thinking about social media and death. We've all seen Twitter kill Justin Beiber, Jackie Chan, etc. Ha, ha Twitter. The Beib and Chan live on! Today, I want to hit on something a bit more serious. Lately I have been evaluating the reactions that people have on social media when loved ones die. How strange it is to pull up Facebook and find your friend still well preserved online. Facebook tells you to "message him or her" or "tell him or her happy birthday." It's a strange dichotomy.

Young people now cope in a different way. Memorial groups are created on Facebook and loved one's walls are covered in truly heart-felt messages. Supportive comments are given and prayers are lifted up. #Hashtags are created. And somehow, we don't forget. A visit to a Facebook wall or group is only a click away, providing an unspoken relief to those affected by the grief, even months down the road.  

Again, a strange dichotomy. They are dead, but they are somehow alive. I think this type of coping is a new and natural part of our society, especially in the younger generation. In some way, of course, it's healthy. It's like modified journaling and somehow social media connects us in more than just one way back to a person. At the same time, we cannot forget the importance of stepping out into community and being healthy that way. We can't forget what it means for us, psychologically, to talk real words with people in the flesh. We must remember that sitting around and sharing memories is just as important as sharing them on Facebook, even more so, in my opinion. 

In my mind, there are two things to glean from this. 1. Social media opens up a new way to cope and that can be a really great thing. 2. Psychologically, we must help prepare people to deal with mourning in an even greater way. Part of that includes being present for one another.

A Novel Idea

A mock tablescape -- we were trying to get a feel for the real thing!

When Kyle and I got engaged on August 6, 2011, I knew I wanted to plan the wedding of the 2012 Western Kansas summer! They say that girls dream of their weddings from the time that they are young. I was one of those, I am sure. I particularly remember wearing a big white quilt as a wedding dress and one of my mom's white slips as a veil (countless times) when I was little. Looking back, I am positive that I looked more like a nun rather than a bride. Oh well. Fast forward 18 years and here I am. After getting engaged, I decided that the details of a wedding and the possible hospitality that a wedding can provide were going to be of the utmost importance to me. So, with the help of Southern Weddings Magazine, I decided to put a novel idea into practice and I am writing to report that it's actually taking place.

Upon engagement, my mom bought me some different wedding magazines to get ideas -- Southern Weddings was one. In one article, I noticed a story of a bride and her mother who scouted vintage china plates to feed all 275 of their guests at their wedding dinner. I was immediately interested. Who does that? Not to mention, it must be extremely expensive. Nevertheless, I was intrigued. I mentioned the idea to my mother-in-law-to-be, Mary Lou, and she asked me when we were going to get started. I thought, "Well, I guess this could be a possibility." So, we started telling people what we were wanting to do and we all started scouting out thrift stores, antique shops and Goodwills for random plates. For a while, I honestly thought the idea would flop. Our goal was to collect over 300 plates for our wedding supper. Low and behold, in the time that it takes a woman to conceive and bear a child, we have collected over 300 plates for our wedding dinner! So, I must say a few things. First, THANK YOU x 1000000000 to all who helped us collect -- My mom, Aunt Nancy, Jackie Nichols, Becky Miller, Mary Lou Just, Betsy Bunnel, Grandma Bowers to name a few! Second, I am happy to report that this project cost approx. .50 a plate, perhaps even less. Third, Goodwill has a lot of china plates looking for a home. Fourth, you might discover your great grandmother's china in an old garage if you search hard enough. Fifth, for all those searching brides who might want to put this idea into practice, I will have a lot of plates when things are said and done :). Last of all, what an amazing opportunity to build relationships, search, scour and bond and make this wedding experience a fantastic one. I'd encourage all brides to find a special project like this that can bring family, friends and loved ones together.