BIG NEWS

I can't believe I am writing this blog. So much has happened over the past few months and I am incredibly excited and honored to update all of you. How do I say it!? Well, I'll just say it! I've accepted a position at Southwestern College in Winfield, Kansas as the Director of the service learning organization, Discipleship Southwestern. Give me a minute.

WOWOWOWOWOWOWWOWOWOWOWOWWWWWWW

I still can't believe it. As many of you will remember, Kyle and I were both a part of the Discipleship program when we were students at Southwestern. This ministry shaped my life and my calling in an incredible way. It was there that I met Rev. Ashlee Alley, the current Discipleship Director and Campus Minister. Ashlee identified gifts within me and encouraged me to think about a vocation in ministry. Long story short, I entered Southwestern as an elementary education major and graduated as a religion and philosophy major.

Then, when the job position for Director of Discipleship Southwestern came open, Ashlee was the first to let me know about it.

I tell you all these stories about Ashlee Alley because the Lord has worked through her to get me to where I am today! And, this is not just my story. This is the story of many other students who have been impacted by her and campus ministry at Southwestern.

I am convinced that college is one of the most important times in any student's life. It is most often the place that calling, vocation and character intersect. Students learn who they are, process where they've come from and decide where they want to go in the future, all while they're in college. There's an abundance of things going on in a collegiate student's life. And, often times, the decisions students make in college will affect the trajectory of their lives! It's an important time. To me, there is no better time to invest in students. College students are curious, transparent, waiting to be molded. How incredibly exciting to be a part of that. That's what I get to do, people. It's my dream job. It's the job I've prayed for since I was in college. I'm not kidding, I have journals full of prayers asking God to prepare a place for me at Southwestern to serve in ministry someday. 

So, the good news is: we are moving back to Kansas for my dream job.
The bad news is: we are moving back to Kansas for my dream job.

We are incredibly sad to leave Asbury. I'm not sure if I can communicate our level of sadness. The moment I said yes to the dean on the phone, a part of my heart sank. This is bittersweet. I can't imagine leaving Asbury early. It wasn't in our five year plan and we love it here. I have a theory that it takes at least two years to be fully settled in a place. The first year is all new -- you're experiencing things for the first time and getting into a rhythm of life. The second year, normalcy sets it and by the end of the second year, you feel like you're really "home." Here we are, at the end of our second year in Wilmore and that's how I feel. There is no doubt about it, we are leaving our home. We are leaving people we love and will remember forever. We are leaving a church we LOVE. I will have to finish seminary online. We are leaving the South and all of the features of Southern hospitality that are embedded in our community. We're leaving it! All of it! But, last night, I had a thought: I was glad that I was so sad. It means that this community, this place -- Asbury Theological Seminary, has been incredible to us. We leave it honored that we were able to be here for two short years. And we know that we leave ATS totally changed. Praise God for that!! This has been an amazing place to nurture our marriage and our life over the past two years. So, I keep telling myself, that we will be back, because my unfinished degree requires trips to campus. We will see people again. And you know what, I think heaven must be somewhat like seminary and especially Kalas Village (where we live). I learned to like tea here because it meant getting to know people. I will carry it back with me to all my Kansas folks.

Second to last of all, I must brag on Kyle. Somehow I convinced him to marry me and move everywhere with me, sacrificing career opportunities along the way. He's incredible. I couldn't do this without his support. Really, we couldn't be married and in ministry if he didn't support me like he does. So, pray with me that Kyle finds a PE job as we move back to Kansas. He wants it and I want it for him. He's pretty stoked about returning to Kansas, by the way. I think he's really happy to be going home. He's forever a part of my ministry. I know he will be the first one out there playing ultimate frisbee with my D-ship students one day soon. That's a true blessing. He loves students as much as I do.

Last of all, I must thank all of those who have supported us on this journey. To our families and friends in Kansas, thank you for all the love and support. To our friends here at seminary and Mt. Zion, our church family, who have both been on this journey with us since we found out about the job early this spring -- thank you so much for praying with us and being excited for us. You were some of the first ones we were able to share our news with! We'll always remember your support and your excitement! We know our path will cross with many of yours in the future and we're SO excited about that. The seminary experience is so fleeting -- people are coming and going all the time and things are constantly changing. However, one thing remains and that is Christ. We are one in him and through him. I look forward to spending eternity with all of you and I mean that very seriously.

Ok, I have to stop rambling. I would love to end this exciting announcement with a picture of what my new job will look like. These are from when I was a student in the Discipleship program. I can't wait to create more memories like this.
 

My covenant group, "Imago Dei!"

The entire Discipleship team.

Baking Sunday: French Macarons filled with Raspberry and White Chocolate Ganache

Jenny and I decided to make French Macarons this past Baking Sunday. Macarons are notorious for being tricky and complex. We had a real adventure! Jenny studied abroad in France while she was in college so she found legitimate recipes (one for the meringue shell and one for the ganache) online because you can't make macarons the American way! No butter allowed. Our first batch of meringues turned out okay, but they were sticky and we couldn't figure out if they had baked long enough. The second time around proved a whole lot more successful. We lightly greased the pan, which was actually really helpful and I turned the oven down to 300F instead of 275F as the recipe called.

In addition to being tricky in general, macarons require you to pay attention to detail. We used the food processor to make our own almond meal and Jenny strained it through a mesh sieve twice. It's important for the almond meal to be very fine. I also learned that when you're making the sugar syrup, you cannot stir it or touch it with a spoon once it has boiled. Stirring it allows oxygen in, and in turn makes the mixture solidify. I was in charge of the sugar syrup and did that! Oh jeez. I learned a baking lesson the hard way and had to re-make the sugar syrup. I told Jenny when we were baking that macarons wouldn't be fun to make alone! I think our total baking time (we made two batches) ended up being 3 1/2 hours or so. But the little jewels were well worth the effort and it was a lot of fun. Our second batch wasn't too shabby! Plus, the raspberry/white chocolate ganache is to die for. And now we can say that we've made macarons. Ladies and gents, our baking has ascended to a new skill level and that's a good thing, too, because the semester is almost over and Jenny is going home! What am I going to do without her? I told her we will have to have Skype Baking Sundays. Otherwise, I'm trying not to think about her going back to Mississippi :(.

I know it seems silly, but Baking Sunday has been one of best ways that I've experienced God! It's been so fun to anticipate fellowship each week and create. Baking Sunday often reaches farther than Sunday, too. It enabled me to make a GREAT friend (Jenny), have some really fun and meaningful conversations along the way, and to share our baking goodies with others in the Asbury community. My bosses at work benefit the most ;). Baking Sunday has truly been nurturing for my soul. What a wonderful sabbath activity it has been. 

Besides what I listed above, I have no extra critiques about the macarons. I am just going to leave you with links to the original recipes that we used. They worked out pretty well for us. Enjoy!

 - Recipe for the meringues here
 - Recipe for the raspberry ganache here

Bon appétit my fellow Sunday bakers!

Lenten Intentions

I'm currently sitting in our room at a B&B in Tennessee, enjoying the Smoky Mountains from my window and the beautiful 70 degree breeze. Kyle and I spent the whole day outside at a place called Cades Cove in Smoky Mountain National Park. It was so beautiful, so needed. Reconnecting with mother earth after the longest winter ever is seriously glorious. I never want to see snow again! Anyway, as we were exploring around Cades Cove today I was thinking about this season of Lent. I haven't posted much about my Lenten journey on the blog on purpose. I needed a lot of time to reflect personally. Now, with Lent wrapping up, I feel like it's not only appropriate, but necessary for me to share how the Spirit has been working in my life during this season.

It's been the best Lent I've ever had, hands down. Lent is one of my favorite church seasons and this one has been exceptionally spirit-filled and full of true growth. This year, I decided that I was going to take something on instead of giving something up. You see, there was a real hole in my life, full of anger, frustration, self-pity and other nasty things. This hole was caused partly by people and partly by me. So, for Lent, I committed to doing what I wanted to do least, but needed to do most, and that was to love my neighbor. Loving a general neighbor is easy enough, but it's loving those who have hurt us or let us down in some form that is more difficult. It's one of the most important biblical commandments, yet when someone hurts me, it's no longer easy for me to hold them in love. Instead, it's super easy, even enjoyable for me to hold them in a grudge. This type of behavior ends up hurting everyone involved in the end, but over the years I've discovered that lack of love for any neighbor of mine annihilates my own joy. So, who's the real loser?

I committed to loving my neighbors -- my literal, technical neighbors, my friends, my peers, my annoying acquaintances, those who have hurt me -- everyone. This practice has taken on various forms: perhaps delivering baked goods to someone, inviting people over for dinner, writing someone a note, giving someone a ride, forgiving someone whether or not they've realized that they've hurt me, listening to my annoying acquaintances, and apologizing for hurting others. The most important thing that I've discovered is that this requires daily, specific prayer. I had to pray daily that the Lord might help me to keep an eye out for those that might need a specific type of care or love, and ways that I could practice needed forgiveness. The Lord opened up ample opportunities for me to love my neighbor! Some expected, some totally unexpected. Some opportunities obvious, some subtle. This Lenten season has been a true gift. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I have changed and have been disciplined about focusing. This, after all, is what the Lenten season is all about (This is also why I am so grateful to be a part of a church that has a foundation in the church calendar. Just thought I'd throw that nerdy tid-bit out there). I definitely have not become perfect at loving my neighbor this Lent, but surely intentionality is a step in the right direction.

Last of all, I must give thanks for our local church that has guided me along on this beautiful journey. Kyle and I have grown SO much since attending this church and we're so grateful for the wonderful community that we've become a part of. We're so grateful that this community invites ALL in. I've learned to love my neighbor this season through the way that my church has loved me. Never underestimate the power of including and loving people in your community.

Well, that's how I've grown this season! My heart is ready for Easter Sunday and we still have Holy Week to go. How have you grown this Lenten season? What did you give up or take on? The pastor in me is always curious.

One of the easy and enjoyable ways I was able to practice loving my Kentucky neighbors...highway clean-up! This was really fun!

From Dust to Dust

Out of dust we were taken and to dust we shall all return. Lent is a season that I welcome gladly each year. As many of you know, I grew up in the Roman Catholic Church, so I grew up celebrating Lent. When I started going to a non-denominational church during my middle school and high school years, Lent (and the church calendar in general) was abandoned. I was fine with that at the time. It was nice to have a break from church tradition because it had turned into a sort of dead orthodoxy for me. However, when I attended college at Southwestern, the church calendar became a pertinent part of my life again. Not really by choice, but by default. I did choose to attend a Methodist affiliated college, after all. My first Ash Wednesday at college sent me straight back to my Roman Catholic roots. I wasn't sure how to feel about Lent because somewhere along the way I had convinced myself that the church seasons, Lent included, were irrelevant. My first Lenten season at Southwestern proved otherwise. However, I didn't realize how much Lent meant to me until Easter morning that year. If anything will make Easter relevant to you, it will be Lent.

After experiencing and participating in Ash Wednesdays and Lenten seasons over the past six years, I've come to realize that Lent will really rock your world if you take it seriously. I've discovered that you will find a different joy on an Easter morning that has been preceded by a serious Lenten season. Lent is a time for us to acknowledge that we are weak and sinful. From dust we were taken and to dust we shall return. Our lives are meaningless without Christ. We fast and pray and seek Christ during this season in more intentional ways. Lent is a time when we acknowledge that we are not self-made. This is a difficult realization for all of us. We're good and making and re-making ourselves. Lent is letting go of all of that.

On Easter morning, I cannot wait for the sun to come up because it signifies that Jesus has risen! Jesus has won the battle over sin. If you observe Lent, on Easter morning you don't have to pretend to be happy. Friends, you're going to be happy because the time to mourn and reflect on your brokenness and frailty is gone. Easter becomes extremely relevant when you've spent a season acknowledging your own sin.

When we observe Lent, we wake up as different people on Easter morning. I hope and pray that this Lenten journey will be meaningful for you. Blessings during this season of reflection, friends.

A picture from our tiny country church prior to our Ash Wednesday fellowship meal and service. The purple linens reflect the change in our church season. We are preparing for our Lenten journey that will lead us to our Easter vigil.

The Bachelor Wedding: Grown Sexy or Just Plain Sex?

Last night I tuned into prime time television big time -- the Grammys and of course I had to take a sneak peak at the Bachelor wedding. I would say that last night was one of the biggest nights in popular culture in a long time, especially concerning marriage equality and sex. Of course, if you were watching the Grammys you know that Daft Punk won album of the year and record of the year for the {overplayed} summer hit, "Get Lucky." Then, Macklemore, Ryan Lewis and Mary Lambert performed "Same Love" as 33 couples were married by Queen Latifah. Then, ABC was broadcasting The Bachelor wedding of Sean Lowe and Catherine Guidici live.

All of those things spoke about our sex-driven culture. One of the most interesting things to me, though, was the Bachelor wedding. There's been magazine article after magazine article about Sean Lowe's faith and his commitment to abstain from sex until marriage. His beliefs make a statement. However, in some weird way, that statement turned mainline in the end. Our culture is not only obsessed with sex but has lost all total respect for it, in what appears to be, all instances. If you tuned in AT ALL to The Bachelor wedding a hour and half prior to the ceremony, you will know what I'm talking about. There was way less talk about the wedding and way more talk about the wedding night. ABC even {super awkwardly} had a live cam so viewers could see into the honeymoon suite. The rest of the programming contained lingerie shopping, a peek into Catherine's boudoir shoot for Sean and mention after mention about the wedding night. There were a few instances where viewers saw Catherine trying on dresses or picking out flowers; however, these moments were far overshadowed by all the wedding night talk. For two people who hadn't even had sex yet, there was A LOT of sex talk.

The one instance that really set me off though, was the very end scene; the one that played as the credits were rolling. The wedding was over and ABC cut out to the honeymoon suite (Sean and Catherine were not there yet). The lights were on and there was a sign on the door that said "honeymoon suite." Then, the lights turned low as ABC zoomed the camera out. Just when you thought it was over the camera stayed and kept a watchful eye on the honeymoon suite as the credits started to roll. Then the noises started -- some "bow-chicka-wow-wow" music, an owl hooting, a train going by. At first I thought, "Oh, whatever." But then the noises grew in number and got louder and louder as the camera kept an eye on the ever-glowing honeymoon suite. Ok, enough already. Twitter fans started catching on. These noises had a purpose, they were sending a pretty overt message. What a distasteful way to end the show! How ABC ended up taking a lack of sex and focusing completely on sex is pretty beyond me. Marriage is about sex; but it's also about 100 other things.

It's not a secret that our world has lost respect for sex. What's beginning to worry me though is that we seem to be nurturing a really raunchy disrespect towards sex. I'm just going to say it, I was not okay with the way ABC/Sean/Catherine and whoever else allowed the show to carry on. I'm not on board with all lingerie shopping, the sneak peek into the boudoir shoot scene and the excessive wedding night talk. Don't get me wrong, all of those things are great within the right contexts. I'm a married woman, for heaven's sake! I think lingerie, boudoir shoots and sex are all plenty fun. But publicized on ABC? This, my fellow blog readers, was the absolute wrong context. Catherine claimed that she wanted her wedding to be "Grown sexy," whatever that means. But, honestly, I feel like all ABC did was portray their impending sex life as one big party. I think all of this goes to show that those of us who believe in saving sex for marriage still have a responsibility, when given the chance and opportunity, to be modest because sex really is something that's sacred and it's not just some party that we desperately can't wait to participate in someday.

*I should note that the wedding ceremony itself was really, really beautiful. Sean's dad did an excellent job at explaining the purpose of marriage. I am really happy for Sean and Catherine. But this is a blog post about sex and popular culture, nonetheless.

Wrestling

Last week I took an intensive course. Asbury has a January term every year and it's a great opportunity to pick up some credit hours before school commences again in February. This January I took United Methodist Doctrine and Polity. Sounds really exciting, right? That's what I thought, too. However, it turned out to be a really great class, partly due to my professors and partly due to yes, the Doctrine and Polity that we studied. I honestly thought the class was going to be extremely dry, torturous even. However, it really was the opposite of that. The only torturous part was sitting in a chair from 8:00 - 5:00 for a week straight and staring right into my computer screen. Other than that, though, I found that (to me at least) Doctrine is really beautiful thing.
One of my assignments for the class is to answer nine questions from the United Methodist Book of Discipline about what I believe to be true. These questions will be used one day when I go before the big and scary board of ordained ministry in hopes of being ordained as a deacon in the UMC. The questions range from "What is your understanding of evil, as it exists in the world?" to "How do you plan to teach, affirm and apply United Methodist Doctrine in the area of ministry to which you have been called?" One thing that I've discovered about this assignment is that it is not easy. I don't know if I was expecting it to be so. But, you all know me. I'm a writer. Writing is my thing; it's easy for me to do; I love it. It brings joy to my heart. However, yesterday, writing my answers to these questions was not easy and it certainly was not fun. It was making me mad, actually. I was stuck in my own writer's block -- 100% stuck, woven in, tangled up in my own mind. My writing, or lack thereof came to a halt. I ended up taking a break and then went back to press through and answer the first two questions of my assignment. Then, I quit. Later that evening, I sat in bed screaming, in my head, "God, PLEASE help me write what I believe about you." I went to bed exhausted, defeated, begging and pleading with God that today might be a better writing day. Ha. Alright, that last sentence was a little dramatic. But I really did feel a bit defeated. I've written credo after credo about what I believe about God, but somehow these ordination questions became very difficult for me to articulate.
They say joy comes in the morning so this morning I woke up with a spring in my step, ready to prance five feet to my couch in order to answer more questions. I said a little prayer and then I began writing, answering question after question. Today was an easier writing day; by the grace of God I began to think I might actually believe a thing or two about the Almighty. Ha.
Really, though, how important it is to wrestle with raw thoughts about what we believe. I am thankful for yesterday because it led to me to today. That thinking and wrestling was not in vain! The further I press into this assignment, the more I realize how everyone should have to answer these questions, not on account of mere torture, but because we are transformed when we are forced to articulate what we believe. We are able to know the difference between something that's orthodox and something that's heretical. We are able to articulate exactly why Jesus had to come and die, what that even means to us today and why it should even matter. Someday (Lord willing) I will teach others the beliefs of the faith. My wrestling is not only to my benefit, but to theirs, too. What a privilege it is to wrestle because wrestling leads to articulation and articulation helps us to worship right; it helps us worship more fully and grow into who we are meant to be. Perhaps wrestling is a true and pure form of discipleship. So, today, I encourage you to wrestle and to take heart in tomorrow; because tomorrow will bring a new light, a new articulation. I take hope in this: surely we reap from wrestling.

Well, that's precisely how I felt yesterday.

"The Western Church is in Trouble..." and What I Have to Say About It.

I hear/see it often online, in person, in school, in presentations, in meetings -- "the Western church is in trouble." I have one thing to say to that: obvy. Does it worry me? Not really, but that's another blog. But, let me alarm you. The Barna Study says that 3,500-4,000 churches close their doors each year in America. They also note that the church in America loses 2,765,000 people each year to nominalism and secularism.
Now, we must consider why the Western church is in trouble.
When I took my own realities into consideration, I could come up with one sole reason. But, we'll back track a little first. Here we go.

I owe an incredible amount of honor to Bible Christian Church in Garden City, Kansas and so many of her congregants for discipling me throughout my middle and high school years. Those people pointed me towards Christ, along with many other youth my age. Often times in the current, thanks to social media, I see what many of my former peers from church and school are up to. Sadly, I've also observed how many of them have fallen away from their faith. Their faith. As in, a faith they once owned and cultivated. This isn't an uncommon phenomenon. Scholars say "the Western church is in trouble" because our 20-somethings are leaving and they aren't coming back. (At least until they have children. And then some of them come back because it seems like the "right" thing to do -- to have their children in church and all. Good logic. But, not really.)

Lately, Kyle and I have been attending various churches around where we live. We were settled in one particular church for about a year and decided that our souls just needed something different. Hear me out when I say that leaving this particular church was a difficult decision to make, but we made it and have been attending churches since. It's been almost two months (the end is in sight, thank goodness) and we've attended some great churches. We've also attended some not-so-great churches.

Throughout this journey, I've discovered two things that relate to the trouble of the western church. First, from what I've observed, some pastors aren't preaching the Bible. I'm not trying to be judgmental here. I'm just being honest. We went to one particular service where the pastor didn't even read scripture and he mentioned Jesus once, in passing. (What did he preach on, you ask? I'm still wondering myself...) Second, somehow, children and youth who were raised in the church have left Jesus behind for other things. And they need to repent and come back. They just do.

The western church is in trouble for one reason: too many of her followers have forgotten who Jesus even is.

A "Remembered" Pope

As many of know (or might not know) I grew up in the Catholic Church. For awhile, especially during my high school years, I was bitter towards the Catholic Church. I felt like they didn't teach me about Jesus like I thought that they should. It wasn't until college that I began to fully appreciate my Catholic upbringing. When I was a freshman, I took my first ever theology course with one of my (still) favorite professors, Dr. Matthew Thompson at Southwestern College. Then, I took Church History and eventually History of Methodism. Throughout those courses, I realized how well the Catholic Church prepared me for ministry, theologically speaking. I grew up reciting the Creeds and the different prayers and liturgies of the Church. When I was in college and learned about the history of them, they came alive to me. My academics brought healing in my life and led me to a place where I began to fully appreciate my own spiritual history as a member that was baptized into the Catholic Church.

When Pope John Paul II died, it was a big deal. Now, know, I have never had any big opinions about the Pope. You know, some people have heated ideas about what the Pope stands for, but I've always appreciated the idea of him. With Pope John Paul the II how could you not? He was literally the Pope the entire time that I was a part of the Catholic Church. He was really wonderful. Anyway, I remember sitting in Latin class when I was a senior in college and my teacher began talking with us about Pope Benedict XVI. He said the following, "You know, I just don't think that Pope Benedict will ever be a "remembered" Pope. Sure, he's doing great things, but there's nothing that sticks out about him that I think the Catholic Church, as a whole, will remember."

Then, Pope Francis was elected. How amazing! He was a "first" in many categories -- the first non-European Pope in over 1,200 years, the first Latin American pontiff, the first Jesuit.  People weren't sure what he was going to be like. But, as I think back to my Latin class and our conversation about Pope Benedict XVI so long ago (isn't funny the random things that you remember?), I think it's intriguing to now say that Pope Francis will be a "remembered" Pope. His spirit is gentle, his words, profound. His very nature proclaims Christ. If you haven't read/watched the latest story about the little boy that he allowed to join him on stage, then you should. It's sweet.

Loaded

Lately, in of my classes, we've been talking about person-hood and our own way of being. I've been intrigued by our conversations revolving, not just around person-hood, but the way that we choose to see others. We've been talking about how we often choose to see others in one of two ways: either as people or as as objects. The breakdown goes like this:

1. When we see others as people we acknowledge that they have hopes, fears, and a general longing to be liked and loved. These feelings are as real and as relevant as our own feelings.

2. When we see others as objects we tend to see them as obstacles in our way, vehicles that can be used to help us get what we want or irrelevancies that we'd rather not have to "deal with."

Fortunately, this information really touched me. Unfortunately, the reason it touched me is because I realized how often I see others as "objects." And honestly, that gun is loaded. It's loaded no matter who's holding it.

One of my very dear professors once told my class that we must realize that every person has the divine spark -- the image of God within them. Every.single.person. No matter how marred we think the image is within them, it's there because God created them in his own image.

I don't think this is just a "feel good message." I think it has important implications. At the core it affects how we see others. But, that core affects how we interact with others on a daily basis. It affects our political views. It affects our views about war. It affects our theology about providing for the marginalized and the poor. It affects how we treat our enemies.

And we can't be agents of good peace until we commit to seeing others as people and not as objects.

*The core of this information was gathered from my brain, duh. But, the technical parts were gathered from the book "Anatomy of Peace" by The Arbinger Institute. And now go listen to "Red Hands" by Walk Off the Earth...you know, "that gun is loaded, but it's not in my hands..."

Extinguished

The event that took place in Newtown, CT last Friday has sparked a number of responses. The media is messy. That fact has caused me to think with integrity about my own response. During our drive home on Saturday I had 12 fresh hours to truly think about my response, trying to decide if this is my place to blog or not. After seeing a couple of things on Facebook, I soon decided that it needed to be.

Like I said, the media has been really messy. A couple of different things being passed around on Facebook need to be extinguished and quickly. On Friday, shortly after the shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary, I saw a picture going around on Facebook that concluded that God couldn't be present at Sandy Hook on Friday because we have pushed Him out of our schools. I've seen another political post being passed around with this same message. People of God, this lie must be extinguished. 

To say that God was not present on Friday is to deny God's sovereignty. It's to deny God's kindness. This is not the God I believe we serve. I know that my own heart has been grieved by the events that took place on Friday. If we are image bearers of God himself, can you imagine how much more God must be grieved? A million times over, indeed. Do yourself a favor and don't believe that God wasn't present on Friday. I think he must have been present beyond what we can fathom and imagine. 

As you process through this event yourself I pray that you would do so with integrity. May you believe that God is so kind, grieved by the event that took place on Friday at Sandy Hook Elementary. May you believe in his sovereignty and his ability to make all things good. I only pray that my tiny voice might be heard among louder voices spreading, what I believe to be, falsities about God's character. I hope, at least, this falsity for you might be extinguished. 

Eyes Open

One of the things we practice daily here at Asbury is the Eucharist. A daily Eucharist service takes place every day of the week in Fletcher Chapel. Then, on Wednesdays, the Eucharist takes place during the chapel service. Ever since I was little I can remember being fascinated by the Eucharist. I grew up in the Catholic Church so, in worship jargon, the Eucharist was always the climax of the service. It was so beautiful. I always loved the liturgy and the act of going and being served communion.

Communion is still one of my favorite sacraments today. I especially love communion on Sunday mornings. It's so awesome to think about how many other people in the world are celebrating communion. It's such a representative feast of joy in the church and it really ties the ecumenical church-at-large together in a powerful and spiritual way.

My absolute favorite part of communion, though, is watching others receive it and be blessed. I have never been one to kneel at the altar after communion -- not because I don't want to, and definitely not because I am not thankful. I just can't wait to get back to watch others take communion. It's the embodiment of joy and sacrifice. It often brings me to tears watching others accept the love and grace of Christ. It makes me so  thankful. As each person takes communion I whisper in my mind, "Thank you, Jesus." Accepting communion is such a true form of worship -- I love watching grace unfold in the community's midst. That's why I keep my eyes open.

Alma Mater, Hail!

Last night, our wonderful friends, Isaac and Cameron came over to hang out and to have a night of worship. Isaac led the group with his wonderful talents – it was a great evening, relishing the presence of Jesus in our space. Afterwards, Isaac sent me a song that he wrote and World Witness Team at Southwestern recorded last year. The song is called “We Pray” and Isaac wrote it a couple of years ago during a 48 hour prayer event. I remember the moment he told us about it and introduced us to it in the Fall of 2009. It soon became a favorite of many at SC (and it’s still my favorite today). I’ve been listening to the recording that he sent me a lot this morning, partly because I am avoiding writing a paper and most of all because I love it. It’s so anointed and beautiful. It takes me back to Southwestern every time.

As I sit here and listen to it I can pick out many familiar voices – Esther, Anna, Raisa, to name a few. It humbles my soul when I remember my time at Southwestern and all of the amazing people I was able to meet and befriend over the last 4 years. I see how the Lord used me in that space and formed my calling in such a profound way. I don’t know what my future looks like in terms of physical job locations, but, after listening to “We Pray,” I am reminded of my love for students. I am reminded of my appreciation for students who are so open to the Lord and his leading. I am reminded of my great leaders – especially Ashlee Alley and Martin Rude, who both encouraged and shaped me in great ways. I thoroughly enjoy where I am now, while also realizing that my time at Southwestern was a sacred time and space in history. Someday, I hope I can create this space for students at a college or university. My greatest wish is that Jesus would use me to create such a sacred space for students, where gifts and callings are wrestled with and discovered. I hope to create a space for beautiful things – anointed things, so that when my students are far, far away someday, and they hear a song that their fellow peer wrote and their friends recorded, they are taken back and ushered into a time of thankfulness before the Lord.

P.S. Hail My Alma Mater for being such a special place. I am so happy to be an alumnus! And my picture is from the Worship Outreach Compilation Album, and my best guess is this was when "We Pray" was recorded! I had to have Isaac, the song writer and music man extraordinaire in the pic! 

Food for Thought

As you can imagine, I run into a lot of really great people here at the seminary. Seriously, it's amazing. It's like you throw all the awesome people together in the world and *BAM,* here they are. One of the things that I absolutely love, whether at seminary or not, is hearing peoples' stories. In one of my classes, we have been split up into small groups where we share a ministry and vocational journey together for a semester. The other day, I was talking with my group and we were sharing our journeys of how we ended up at Asbury. One story especially stuck out to me and I knew right then that it was blog material.

The question was asked: if you could do anything in ministry, what would your dream job be? When we got around to one particular person, they said, "I would love to go live by myself in a cabin in the woods and minister to people through writing. I feel like I have been burned by people, burned by the church. I am starting to trust people again, which is how I ended up here, but it took awhile." He then went on to explain how prior to seminary, he had been extremely involved with a church. The leadership of this church, however, hurt more people than it helped. He then noted how he left the church and decided to attend culinary school (I told you people at seminary have good stories!). He excelled in culinary school, enjoyed it a lot and went on to work in a restaurant. He said, "You know, I was so sick of a church that hurt people. I worked with food because I was able to be a part of something that brought people together, slowed them down and had them listen to one another." Can you just imagine a chef, peering out at his restaurant from his kitchen? Watching people truly enjoy one another's company? You know, there is that couple over there in the corner on their first date, getting to know one another, wishing time would slow down. Then, there is that couple in the booth, to your left, who is celebrating their 35th anniversary, remembering all of the times they've had together and celebrating life. After that, in the back room, at the long table, there is that annual company meeting. These folks join together to discuss annual goals and progress and to identify where they are going to go, business wise, this year. Then, you have your normals, going out to eat because it is mom's night off. In all cases, food brings people together, and as a chef, that's something to be really proud of. To me, the mental image is really powerful. My new friend ended his story with this line: "I hope the church can slow down like that." Hmmm. Food for thought. And, I think it's like "Olive Garden" food for thought. Yeah?

Jiving

Are there ever times in your life when you sit back and just realize that you are totally and completely jiving in God's plan for you? I had to take a moment to write this week because I have been overwhelmed by God's faithfulness and generosity to us here in Wilmore. For the last couple of days, Kyle and I have been going through new student orientation at Asbury. When I first saw the schedule for NSO, I was automatically excited (which isn't normally the case for school orientation!). I knew the experience was going to be great -- and it was!

First, I have to say, the staff here is beyond exceptional. They have gone out of their way to know our names  and to connect with us on a personal level. Each and every staff person that we have met, from professors to housing directors constantly repeat, "We are here to serve you. Please, let us know how we can do that. We are here for you." It's made the transitional process so much easier. Also, the students are all that we dreamed. During NSO we had the opportunity to meet so many different people that are different ages and all of them have stories about God's faithfulness in their lives. People here embody and embrace the term "community." Here are just a few things that we experienced at NSO that we really enjoyed! 

• Obviously, meeting people has been one of the highlights; from single folks to married folks to toddlers and babies, we love all those who we've met so far! 
• Chapel was an exhilarating experience as the entire community prayed for us, commissioned us and welcomed us into their community. 
• Dinner at the President's estate at Rose Hill has to be on the top of my list. We enjoyed a nice garden party and got to tour the house! That was one of my favorite parts. 
• We enjoyed lunch with the faculty today.
• My absolute favorite part happened this morning during breakfast. One of the alumni coordinators asked us to raise our hand if we decided to come to Asbury because we were influenced by an alum. I looked around and almost everyone had their hand raised. That, to me, spoke volumes. When you have something good, word of mouth will be your best marketing tool. 

Rest assured, we are being taken care of here. As we transition into this stage of our ministry, Kyle and I would appreciate your prayers, as always! We also want our family and friends to know that this has to be one of the greatest places to be, so come and visit :). We are so excited to be a part of such a Spirit-filled community. We can't wait to live this story so that we can share it with others someday. Surely, God is with us! 

Kentucky Update

We are finally in Wilmore! We've hit the week mark and we're still alive, so that's a great thing :-)! Kyle's parents and my dad helped us move down last week. We arrived Monday evening and they left for home on Thursday morning. We were so thankful for their help moving and they even bought us a dresser! Aren't parents great? Moreover, we have seen God's hand move in mighty ways already, reassuring us that He is ever-present on this journey. I thought I would share a few of our "God gifts" as my mother-in-law, Mary Lou, refers to them as:

• The dresser was a definite God gift -- ours didn't make the trip so well, it was leaning tower of dresser, about to fall apart at any second. Of course, people can live without dressers, but it's a nice God gift given through our parents. 
• When transferring things into our name, we found out that we didn't have to pay a $125 water deposit because of good credit. Proof that credit cards used responsibly actually hold a lot of weight in some situations. 
• I had a job interview last Thursday and was offered a part-time job at the School of World Missions here at the Seminary. It was a definite God-gift to help bring a little bit more money into our budget each month.
• The people of Wilmore and everyone at the seminary are all God-gifts to us as well. Everyone has been more than helpful and welcoming, making us feel at home in return. That's hard to do when you're 1,000 miles away from home. 

This is a journey for sure. As we continue on it, we'd ask for your prayers in one significant way -- Kyle still needs a job. He is going through the process of becoming a substitute teacher, which should actually be a pretty good gig once all of the paperwork is finished. It's hard to get into the school systems down here unless you already have a Kentucky license. We are hoping that by substituting, he will be able to get his foot in the door. 

With that all said, we wish blessings on so many of our family and friends, who we carry with us. We especially think of our friends who are also away from home and on adventures of their own. Godspeed to the many who leave and sacrifice often, not out of selfishness, but out of calling. Amen! 

{Words}

We've finally set a date to move to Kentucky. Looks like August 13th will be the big day. This entire summer, I was sure that we would be moving August 20-something. Seminary doesn't even start until September and we didn't really need to be in Kentucky until the end of August anyway. I say all of that to say this: the new moving date really has me worried.

Last night, Kyle and I were sitting on our couch talking about the move. He's so calm. I am so not. What's even worse is that I realize 1,000 times a day that I put us in this situation. For some reason I am starting to consciously realize that there are a lot of unknowns. And.it.freaks.me.out.

So, this is where the story actually gets encouraging and interesting. Yesterday morning, I was reading my Bible and journaling when I also decided to pick up a book called "John Wesley on Prayer." I've been following along with this book on a daily basis for awhile now because I love prayer and I love John Wesley. That's excuse enough. The "JW thought" that I read for the day was titled "Deny self to obey the Lord." Basically it ripped me a part. It talked about how when we are in times of dryness or pain (or worry) we often forget to be fervent in Spirit. I am not going to lie, the seminary process hasn't been easy or enjoyable really for me. And I've realized that I have been praying a lot for Kyle to get a job and for God to "provide" without really even having faith in my own prayers. Much more, my prayers have been selfishly centered around me {and Kyle} by default.

I realized that this was at the root of my problems. My prayer life has felt dry because my prayers are so selfish and faithless. My long prayers have only caused me more agony. With that said, I bring 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 to the table: "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing...give thanks." The best way I can put this is only in John Wesley's own words: "Our Lord has purchased joy, as well as righteousness for us. Thanksgiving is inseparable from true prayer; it is almost essentially connected to it. One who always prays is ever-giving praise, whether it's in ease or pain, both for prosperity and great adversity."

My prayer life needed re-routed. Instead of praying for the perfect job for Kyle or the perfect type of provision for us, I choose, instead, to offer up prayers of thanksgiving for the ways that God has already provided and will provide for us in the future. If the Bible is clear about anything it's that God does indeed take care of us. The only way I can think of to end this rather emotional blog for me is to say "truly" or "Amen," hoping that these words are prayers themselves.

Merry Got Me Thinking

On Christmas Eve, Seth Godin (an excellent marketing blogger that you should follow) wrote a short blog called "Merry." The point of this little blurb was "you can't be merry by yourself."

"Merry" got me thinking. You really can't be merry by yourself. One of the greatest gifts that God gives us is other people -- both people that we know and people that we don't know. I don't personally know Seth Godin, but he impacts my brain, in a good way, I think. Sometimes we are blessed from a distance by the presence of other people. It must have been the same for Joseph and Mary. Two people, probably not with a lot of friends after (what seems to be) a pregnancy scandal. However, the birth of a child -- a Savior brings a little "merry" to the scene. Shepherds come and wise men come from afar, bringing good gifts to people they do not even know.

I would have to say that the Christmas season calls us to be merry for more than just the simple idea that Christmas should be a time filled with charity and warmth. It seems scriptural for us to be together. As Godin writes, "merriment requires a group" -- whether that's a group of rejoicing strangers or close family members. So, let us choose to be together this season and always, celebrating the mystery of merriment as we rejoice in Christ.

It Started with Matilda

Currently I am sitting, proctoring a test at Southwestern College. It's a statistics test -- Lord knows I abhor math. However, there is something about getting to be a teacher that intrigues me. All my life I wanted to be a teacher. It started with the movie, Matilda, when I was seven. I came to college with the idea that I would be majoring in elementary education. I wanted to be an awesome elementary teacher! However, when I felt the call to ministry, I switched my major and have been a Philosophy and Religion major ever since. Now, I am planning on going to seminary in the fall of 2012. Whoa, things have changed a bit. However, I still really want to be a teacher. Campus ministry feels like my calling right now (and I am sure that will develop more as I go along) but do I ever want to be a professor! I have had, what I like to call, the "professor thought" many times. I would love to teach practical ministry classes at a college. I have even thought these through:

Imagine this: REL 242: Worship Arts and Design. In this class, we would talk about worship planning and would do some hands-on Art and worship design (from altars, to power point backgrounds, etc.). Or, imagine this: Rel 321: Shaping your Christian Beliefs. Because this is a 300 level course, some philosophy, theology and other courses would be required prior to this. However, I would love to lead students through shaping their beliefs, section by section and have them develop a creed throughout the class.

So what's the hold up? Ph.D. Oh man. My fiance/soon-to-be hubby would love that! School for the rest of my life.

Dr. Molly Komlofske-Just. It could be cool. Ahhh the dreamy thoughts Matilda causes. I have had some GREAT teachers and professors. I want to be one of those...

Chills

I was at the Village church this morning in Dallas and one of the pastors said something really profound. He said, "We are all called to a ministry of presence." It was not something that was the climax of his talk or sermon. He was actually just making announcements and was talking about helping one of their partner churches in Sudan. Partaking in the "ministry of presence" was something he actually mentioned in passing. It was so natural, so good, and it stopped me in my tracks.

We are called to be present. In all things. How many days do I wish would pass by quicker? Alot. I am doing Project Transformation again this summer and I don't know how many times during training week I wished I would have had a clicker with a fast-forward button. But whoa, people need us to be present. The children I work with every day need all of me to be present -- body, mind, spirit, soul.

I can be in ministry, just by being fully present. Mmm, it gives me chills.

Fireflies

I have been finishing up a book called "Souls in Transition" for my campus ministry practicum. The book is about emerging young adults. I have decided that it is kind of strange to read a book about people in the age group that I am in. The book has been a really good source of research for me, as well as a source of personal reflection. The contents of the book reflect on how young adults see life, spirituality, friendships, community service, parents, college, marriage, job-hunting etc.

However, one common theme has stuck out to me. The theme of loneliness. One thing that I have inferred from my reading and personal reflection is that young adults are lonely. The spectrum of loneliness is a wide one -- in short, young adults are lonely in many ways. The ironic part of this particular type of loneliness is that students are in contact with people more than they ever have been thanks to technology and social networking: Texting, Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, IM, MSN chat, blogs, etc. As I was reading, unfortunately I found myself relating to this common theme. I was thinking about it and honestly my junior year is not one that I would really wish to re-live. I have found myself, in a legit and ironic way, lonely.

I have been talking with a good friend of mine about all of this -- she seems to be struggling with it, too, having moved to a new town. We were both reflecting on loneliness the other day and we were talking about how God uses us in our loneliness. She noted that she has been learning to trust God in a different way -- she has been trusting him to fill the loneliness of her heart. I think that has been happening to me, too. There are many nights when I sit with my journal and just write away, just asking God to see my heart, and to use me for something worthy. I have discovered that even though I have been struggling in particular ways, God has been responding to me in my times of desperation. He has really been excelling me in my gifts. He has been giving me opportunities to serve and respond to the gifts he has equipped me with. That part, has been glorious. In the past three months, I have been learning a lot about myself. God has constantly been pushing me beyond my comfort zone, he has been accelerating dreams and inspiring me to catch them and understand the beauty of them. And somehow, kind of like a child chasing fireflies late at night, I do.