Our Counseling Guru

Naturally, since we are getting married in June, Kyle and I have been attending pre-marital counseling at our church in Winfield. We really enjoy our therapist and I normally walk away week to week intrigued by the knowledge that she passes on to us. One of the things that Kyle and I have talked about with her during the last few sessions has been enmeshment vs. disengagement -- two states that are better avoided in a marriage. Enmeshment is the idea that couples have to be together all of the time. Often times, couples who are suffering from enmeshment will claim that their significant other "completes" them and they cannot see where they end and the other person begins. The opposite of that, then, is disengagement. Couples who are disengaged from one another tend to be closed off and far from their significant other. As you can imagine, both states are damaging. Kyle and I are pretty good at spending time together and time apart and that has always been pretty important to us. Even though I am marrying Kyle, I don't want him to complete me! And I certainly do not want to live with a stranger. I want him to complement me. I want to be a better person because he is around...

Maybe a Vase with Bamboo

So, tonight, Kyle and I celebrated Valentine's. He planned it all out. One of the things he planned was for us to go out to Olive Garden to eat. We went to the newest one in Derby, which is right next to Target. It's getting close to time for us to register for our wedding, so I thought it would be a good idea to go scope out some potential registry items after supper and Kyle agreed. We have an idea of how we want things in our house (or should I say, I have an idea). Kyle kind of lets me go with the decorating flow. However, I have learned some things about him when I ask for his opinion and I am trying to make this "decorating: marriage style" thing work. Tonight, when we were looking around, Kyle was saying some of the most HILARIOUS stuff. So, I started nonchalantly taking notes on my phone so I could blog, verbatim, what he said. Here are a few Kyle moments:

• We have decided on a comforter already that we want for our bed. The comforter is slate gray, so we were looking at sheets to accent it. I thought a blue or darker yellow would go great as an accent color with the bedspread. Kyle, on the other hand, wasn't a fan of either color. So, we talked about sheets for quite a bit. Then, we were moving on and he said to me..."That was long." I responded with, "What was long?" and he said "We just had a detailed discussion...about sheets."
• Moving on, we were looking at other comforters, just to see if there was anything else that we liked better than the slate gray one. I found a purple one with a modern floral design and asked him if he liked it (every time I ask him what color he wants our living room/kitchen/bathroom/bedroom to be, he says "purple"). He looked at me and said, "I don't really like it. I just don't want to sleep under flowers."
• Ok -- moving forward. We moved on to housing decor. I found a huge black floor vase. I said to Kyle, "Hey, this vase is fun." He responded and said "Ya! I like that thing." I thought to myself..."Phew...winning." And I then said, "I think it would look fun with some bamboo in it or something." He looked at me blankly and said, "You mean, that's not for our umbrellas and canes?"
• We then proceeded to have a strange quabble about clocks. Kyle got really excited when we reached the clock area. He said "I really like to have clocks in all of the rooms, so I know what time it is, but I don't like fancy clocks, I just like simple clocks." Hmmm...I don't know how I feel about lots of clocks. So, he found a weather radar/clock combination and insisted we register for it instead.

That's just a little bit of registry fun. I seem to learn something new everyday, even about my future spouse. I think it can be summed up like this: purple, clocks, no.flowers.at.all, white/gray sheets (although, he liked the idea of Zebra accent pillows...say what?), maybe a vase with bamboo.

Honorable Hourglass

This weekend, I was blessed by a local women's retreat! It was great to "get away" for an evening and morning and just have fun learning in the presence and experience of other women. During this morning's session, there was a Q and A panel with four local ladies. One of the ladies was answering a question and was talking about the importance of honoring time. This is something that I have been thinking about a lot -- since last summer, really, and I thought it would be good to blog about it.

One of the things I have discovered over the past year is the importance of honoring time. To each season, there is an importance, a relevance, a purpose. Last summer, I couldn't wait to get engaged. I had been dating Kyle for almost two years and it was just time. I didn't know when things were going to happen, but when summer was about to end and we weren't engaged yet, I spent more time panicking than anything else. Wondering when the time would come. Hmmm.

My current journal is blue. I refer to is as my "blue" journal, too. It is full of too many boo-hoos. There was a time right before I was engaged that I just decided that I really needed to strive to live in the moment, honor time, let it be what it would be. Then, low and behold, engagement day came. Now, I find myself having to sit back and enjoy my engagement. It's also my last semester of college -- instead of freaking out about my future, I need to slow down and enjoy this time. How important it is to not "check out" yet -- to not ditch friends yet, academics, professors, college life. It's not my time to go find a full-time job yet. It's not time quite yet. I think honoring time is a discipline that is going to be more beneficial if it's learned now. It's time to honor time. You're not getting these current moments back.

Merry Got Me Thinking

On Christmas Eve, Seth Godin (an excellent marketing blogger that you should follow) wrote a short blog called "Merry." The point of this little blurb was "you can't be merry by yourself."

"Merry" got me thinking. You really can't be merry by yourself. One of the greatest gifts that God gives us is other people -- both people that we know and people that we don't know. I don't personally know Seth Godin, but he impacts my brain, in a good way, I think. Sometimes we are blessed from a distance by the presence of other people. It must have been the same for Joseph and Mary. Two people, probably not with a lot of friends after (what seems to be) a pregnancy scandal. However, the birth of a child -- a Savior brings a little "merry" to the scene. Shepherds come and wise men come from afar, bringing good gifts to people they do not even know.

I would have to say that the Christmas season calls us to be merry for more than just the simple idea that Christmas should be a time filled with charity and warmth. It seems scriptural for us to be together. As Godin writes, "merriment requires a group" -- whether that's a group of rejoicing strangers or close family members. So, let us choose to be together this season and always, celebrating the mystery of merriment as we rejoice in Christ.

The Hunger Games

Today my lovely fiance decided to fart on me....again...probably for the millionth time ever. Then, I remembered a blog that I was going to write about him, but never did. So, here it goes.

Back in November, prior to Thanksgiving, we were in Tampa the night before we boarded our Carnival cruise (My grandparents took us on a cruise for their 50th wedding anniversary). While we were in Tampa, my whole family (cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents included) went walking downtown to find a restaurant. We found a fancy, organic pizza restaurant and all went in to order. Everyone seemed to either order something personally or we were paired up with "pizza buddies," as I like to refer to them. For some reason, I volunteered to be paired up with Kyle and my brother, Brent. Together, we would share some organic, thin-crusted pepperoni pizza. When the pizza arrived, I was talking with my parents about something and I was also waiting on a plate. The rest of this story happened in slow motion. There I am talking, and I look over to see a ton of this pizza demolished -- gone, nihil. My jaw dropped and my Maslow's Hierarchy of needs crashed. Food!!! They were totally taking it from me. Not just some of it -- all of it. So, I started yelling, "Hey! Hey! Let me have some pizza!!" So, they gave me one, small, square piece. Oh no, I wasn't having this. I demanded another piece, and then, the pizza was gone.

There I was, failing at this hunger game. So, in short, Kyle farts on me and deprives me of food. No, just kidding. I just like to give him crap. I actually really love him and am excited to marry him :). Speaking of Kyle, he just woke up from one of his notorious naps. Guess what he dreamed about? Pizza. Not kidding.

December Update

This semester is coming to a close! Hard to believe. After visiting Asbury Theological Seminary back in October, I decided to apply. I just found out on Tuesday that I was accepted to the seminary! So, it looks like Kyle and I will be moving to Kentucky in August. We are both pretty excited about it. We've talked about living somewhere else other than Kansas, and this seems like the perfect opportunity.

Kyle will be student teaching next semester and I will be finished with classes in December. I will finish out a minor degree next Spring and be around to work on campus ministry and chapel. Kyle and I will both graduate in May and then we will be wedding hopping throughout the summer. One of my great friends gets married in May, Kyle and I get married in June, my roommate gets married in July and then by BFF gets married in August! And I am in all of the weddings. I can't believe it! It's fun and crazy. So, for the time being, I will leave you with some wedding inspiration from my brain, just so you can see what's up. More to come in the future....

Norah the Explorer

This past weekend was our Fall Break at Southwestern (it couldn't have come at a better time, btw). So, for break, Kyle and I and some of our friends went to visit Asbury Seminary in Wilmore, Kentucky. The trip was great -- Asbury is a wonderful community and place to be. Kyle and I are looking forward to going there (most likely) after summer. Anyways, one of my least favorite parts about road trips is driving. When I left for college, my parents invested in a GPS for me. I l-o-v-e my GPS. I call her Norah -- Norah the Explorer. Norah and I have been many places together. From Chicago to Dallas to Kentucky, Norah is my girl. Over time, I have gotten to know her and I have learned her tricks. I hope these are helpful to you.

1. Norah is a genius, she remembers all of our trips and can ultimately take me back to that Forever 21 in Dallas if I just look in my "Recently found" category.

2. Norah tells me the actual speed I am going and seems to one-up by odometer often.

3. Norah does not respond well to road construction and detours --in this case, you MUST follow the actual detour, not her. I know, she's so sneaky.

4. When Norah tells you to "keep left" what she actually means is "don't go right." You don't have to go over to the farthest left lane, she just doesn't want you to go right. This is one of the best tips I could give when GPS-ing.

5. Norah is a good sport, she doesn't care how many times you yell "Shut up!" at her -- she never gets mad or raises her voice.

6. With that said, she also will not shut up. So if you want her to be quiet while you are disobeying her, you must turn her off.

7. Turn her off to keep your own sanity. No worries, she will come back on.

8. Norah's greatest companion is Google maps.

9. Norah can sometimes be stuck her ways. If you don't update her, don't expect her to have the latest map knowledge.

10. Norah can avoid toll roads if you want her to, but a forewarning, you probably don't want her to.

11. Norah will predict every step of your whole trip before you even begin. Look through her itinerary before you leave or she might pull a fast one on you.

12. Sometimes it's best to only reveal parts of your trip to her at a time. Break your trips into 1/3's. "Hey, Norah, we are going to Kansas City first, not Joplin." It keeps her on her toes.

13. Just because Norah says that you are going to get there at 11:18 doesn't mean that you will actually get there at that time. There is no need in submitting your schedule to hers. Show her who is boss.

Now that you've gotten to know Norah a little better, I hope your GPS life becomes a little bit easier. 3 Cheers for Norah.