Baking Sunday: Lavender Cupcakes with Cream Cheese & Honey Frosting

I am so, so, so excited to share this Baking Sunday recipe with you! And I'm SUPER stoked about my pictures this week. I was getting fancy with my Iphone and VscoCam. Things have been so crazy in seminary lately that I haven't had much of a chance to blog about all of the delicious things that Jenny and I have been making -- scratch that, baking. From cinnamon rolls to key lime pie, banana bread bars, black bean double chocolate chip cookies, it's all been good, people. But these lavender cupcakes are the pinnacle of our baking, in my opinion. They're so creative, unique and dreamy. I've literally never tasted anything like them. The combination of lavender, honey and vanilla is too good.

When I told one of my friends at church that we were baking lavender cupcakes she made me nervous. She told me that her mother-in-law had made lavender cheesecake once and it tasted like a candle. Then, I was reading some of the reviews for this recipe and some people said that the dried lavender they used was tasteless. Let me tell you, we didn't run into either problem. The cupcakes don't taste like candles and they aren't tasteless. They're delicious! So, I feel like we hit the jack-pot. Please make these, okay?

Recipe courtesy of Jessie Next Door
*I've cut the frosting recipe in half because we had SO much left over. Unless you want to OD on cream cheese and honey frosting (which, hey, you might and I won't judge you) I think my adjustment covers the amount you'll need.

What you'll need for the cupcakes:

• 1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 eggs
• 2 teaspoons of vanilla 
• Purple, or red and blue frosting, tint the batter to your liking. We made ours a light lavender color. 
• 1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon of baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon of salt
• 2 1/2 tablespoons of dried lavender buds (I found mine at World Market...Whole Foods didn't have any, neither did Mejier and I didn't check at Trader Joe's)
• 2/3 cup cold milk

What you'll need for the frosting:

• 1/4 cup butter (1/2 stick)
• 4 ounces cream cheese, softened
• 2 cups of confectioners' sugar 
• 1 tablespoon of vanilla 
• 1 tablespoon of honey, and more for drizzling

To Bake:

• Preheat oven to 350 F. Line muffin tins with cupcake liners or grease the tins with butter. 
• Chop the dried lavender buds into fine pieces and set aside.
• Using an electric mixer or a stand mixer, cream the butter and sugar together. Add the eggs one at a time, beating after each egg. Mix in the vanilla and the food coloring. 
• In another bowl, stir together the flour, baking powder, salt and chopped lavender buds. 
• Add the dry ingredients to the butter mixture and beat together, then stir in the milk. 
• Scoop the batter evenly into the muffin tins. 
• Bake for 18-24 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a cupcake comes out clean.
• Let the cupcakes cool in the tins for 5-10 minutes and then move them to a wire rack to cool completely.

For the Frosting:

• In a large bowl (or in the stand mixer), beat butter and cream cheese together. Add the powdered sugar, one cup at a time, mixing on low, until the frosting is smooth and creamy. Beat in the vanilla and honey. 
• Scoop the frosting into a piping bag or ziplock bag and pipe the frosting onto the cupcakes in the way that you see fit. 
• After you're finished frosting the cupcakes, drizzle some honey on top (this is a great opportunity to use your honey spoon if you have one ;))!
• Garnish with some dried lavender, if you want, and enjoy

 *Store leftover cupcakes in the refrigerator since they have cream cheese frosting.

Lenten Intentions

I'm currently sitting in our room at a B&B in Tennessee, enjoying the Smoky Mountains from my window and the beautiful 70 degree breeze. Kyle and I spent the whole day outside at a place called Cades Cove in Smoky Mountain National Park. It was so beautiful, so needed. Reconnecting with mother earth after the longest winter ever is seriously glorious. I never want to see snow again! Anyway, as we were exploring around Cades Cove today I was thinking about this season of Lent. I haven't posted much about my Lenten journey on the blog on purpose. I needed a lot of time to reflect personally. Now, with Lent wrapping up, I feel like it's not only appropriate, but necessary for me to share how the Spirit has been working in my life during this season.

It's been the best Lent I've ever had, hands down. Lent is one of my favorite church seasons and this one has been exceptionally spirit-filled and full of true growth. This year, I decided that I was going to take something on instead of giving something up. You see, there was a real hole in my life, full of anger, frustration, self-pity and other nasty things. This hole was caused partly by people and partly by me. So, for Lent, I committed to doing what I wanted to do least, but needed to do most, and that was to love my neighbor. Loving a general neighbor is easy enough, but it's loving those who have hurt us or let us down in some form that is more difficult. It's one of the most important biblical commandments, yet when someone hurts me, it's no longer easy for me to hold them in love. Instead, it's super easy, even enjoyable for me to hold them in a grudge. This type of behavior ends up hurting everyone involved in the end, but over the years I've discovered that lack of love for any neighbor of mine annihilates my own joy. So, who's the real loser?

I committed to loving my neighbors -- my literal, technical neighbors, my friends, my peers, my annoying acquaintances, those who have hurt me -- everyone. This practice has taken on various forms: perhaps delivering baked goods to someone, inviting people over for dinner, writing someone a note, giving someone a ride, forgiving someone whether or not they've realized that they've hurt me, listening to my annoying acquaintances, and apologizing for hurting others. The most important thing that I've discovered is that this requires daily, specific prayer. I had to pray daily that the Lord might help me to keep an eye out for those that might need a specific type of care or love, and ways that I could practice needed forgiveness. The Lord opened up ample opportunities for me to love my neighbor! Some expected, some totally unexpected. Some opportunities obvious, some subtle. This Lenten season has been a true gift. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I have changed and have been disciplined about focusing. This, after all, is what the Lenten season is all about (This is also why I am so grateful to be a part of a church that has a foundation in the church calendar. Just thought I'd throw that nerdy tid-bit out there). I definitely have not become perfect at loving my neighbor this Lent, but surely intentionality is a step in the right direction.

Last of all, I must give thanks for our local church that has guided me along on this beautiful journey. Kyle and I have grown SO much since attending this church and we're so grateful for the wonderful community that we've become a part of. We're so grateful that this community invites ALL in. I've learned to love my neighbor this season through the way that my church has loved me. Never underestimate the power of including and loving people in your community.

Well, that's how I've grown this season! My heart is ready for Easter Sunday and we still have Holy Week to go. How have you grown this Lenten season? What did you give up or take on? The pastor in me is always curious.

One of the easy and enjoyable ways I was able to practice loving my Kentucky neighbors...highway clean-up! This was really fun!

From Dust to Dust

Out of dust we were taken and to dust we shall all return. Lent is a season that I welcome gladly each year. As many of you know, I grew up in the Roman Catholic Church, so I grew up celebrating Lent. When I started going to a non-denominational church during my middle school and high school years, Lent (and the church calendar in general) was abandoned. I was fine with that at the time. It was nice to have a break from church tradition because it had turned into a sort of dead orthodoxy for me. However, when I attended college at Southwestern, the church calendar became a pertinent part of my life again. Not really by choice, but by default. I did choose to attend a Methodist affiliated college, after all. My first Ash Wednesday at college sent me straight back to my Roman Catholic roots. I wasn't sure how to feel about Lent because somewhere along the way I had convinced myself that the church seasons, Lent included, were irrelevant. My first Lenten season at Southwestern proved otherwise. However, I didn't realize how much Lent meant to me until Easter morning that year. If anything will make Easter relevant to you, it will be Lent.

After experiencing and participating in Ash Wednesdays and Lenten seasons over the past six years, I've come to realize that Lent will really rock your world if you take it seriously. I've discovered that you will find a different joy on an Easter morning that has been preceded by a serious Lenten season. Lent is a time for us to acknowledge that we are weak and sinful. From dust we were taken and to dust we shall return. Our lives are meaningless without Christ. We fast and pray and seek Christ during this season in more intentional ways. Lent is a time when we acknowledge that we are not self-made. This is a difficult realization for all of us. We're good and making and re-making ourselves. Lent is letting go of all of that.

On Easter morning, I cannot wait for the sun to come up because it signifies that Jesus has risen! Jesus has won the battle over sin. If you observe Lent, on Easter morning you don't have to pretend to be happy. Friends, you're going to be happy because the time to mourn and reflect on your brokenness and frailty is gone. Easter becomes extremely relevant when you've spent a season acknowledging your own sin.

When we observe Lent, we wake up as different people on Easter morning. I hope and pray that this Lenten journey will be meaningful for you. Blessings during this season of reflection, friends.

A picture from our tiny country church prior to our Ash Wednesday fellowship meal and service. The purple linens reflect the change in our church season. We are preparing for our Lenten journey that will lead us to our Easter vigil.

Baking Sunday: Molten Lava Chocolate Cakes For a Crowd

Today I made myself work out before blogging. I suggest working out before reading this post because this Baking Sunday is a good one, especially if you're a chocolate lover. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you Molten Lava Cakes courtesy of Master Chef, Whitney Miller!

Jenny and I enjoyed making these. The trick to these are baking them for a short period of time so the outside gets done and the inside middle stays liquid-y chocolate. They are delicious with a dollop of homemade whipped cream and these are so easy to make! Miller suggest baking them in a muffin pan. So if you are ever in need an easy dessert that's impressive, for 12 people or under, these are definitely go-to and are sure to please.

Last of all, my journey with Whitney Miller's cook book has been a fun one. I found her book while perusing through the cooking section at Half Price Books in Dallas this past summer (one of my favorite pastimes). I was originally attracted to the title of her cook book, "Modern Hospitality." Then, when I started looking through it, I became so intrigued! I thought to myself, "These are recipes that I would actually cook." So, I bought the book and have loved it dearly ever since. (Then, I watched her season of Master Chef. Thanks, YouTube). Miller's cook book features various updated versions of southern classics, she is a Mississippi girl after all, and I love that she learned to cook from her mother, grandmothers and great-grandmothers. We also discovered that her and Jenny attended the same college. Jenny is a Mississippi girl, too. I just love these southern belles.

Now for the REALLY exciting part: Saturday night, I tweeted about being excited to make the molten lava cakes with Jenny and tagged Miller in my tweet. Sunday, while Jenny and I were baking, she tweeted me back! I was SO excited. It's just kind of fun to have a Master Chef tweet you, you know? I sent her a picture of our final product and she said, "They look great!" :). So, these have the Master Chef's approval. Anyway, enough excitement. Enjoy the recipe, won't you? And grab a copy of Miller's cookbook if you have the chance. You won't be disappointed!

Molten Lava Cakes for a Crowd (Master Chef, Whitney Miller)

 *This recipe is taken straight from her cook book! No alterations.

Serves 12

WHIPPED CREAM:

• 1 cup heavy cream, cold
• 2 1/2 tablespoons confectioners' sugar

CAKES:

• 1 cup dark chocolate chips
• 1 stick plus 2 tablespoons (5 ounces) unsalted butter (salted will work if that's all you have)
• 2 tablespoons brewed coffee
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
• 3 large eggs, lightly beaten
• 3 large egg yolks, lightly beaten
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder

Preheat the oven to 400°F. Lightly coat a 12-cup muffin tin with cooking spray.

To make the whipped cream: Beat the cream using an electric mixer in a large cold bowl until soft peaks form. Gradually beat in 2 tablespoons of the confectioner' sugar. Cover and refrigerate while you make the cakes.

To make the cakes: Melt the chocolate chips and butter in a medium saucepan over low heat, stirring frequently. Once the chocolate and butter are melted, stir in the coffee until smooth.

In a medium bowl, sift together the flour and confectioners' sugar. Stir in the chocolate mixture. Add the whole eggs and egg yolks one at a time, beating well after each addition. Stir in the vanilla.

Divide the batter evenly among the muffin cups. Bake until the cakes are slightly jiggly in the center, about 7 minutes. Run a butter knife around the edges of each cake and transfer the hot cakes to dessert plates. Top with a dollop of whipped cream and dust with the cocoa powder.

My attempt, yet again, to be artsy with my Iphone and Instagram. Hey, it does look pretty delicious, right?

Molten Lava Cakes for a Crowd

Serves 12

Rich and fudgy brownies were the go-to dessert at Whitney's house when a chocolate craving struck. That is, until she started making her molten lava cakes. These rich, gooey cakes will satisfy even the most die-hard chocoholics, and since they're baked in a muffin tin, it's easy to whip up a large batch in no time at all.

WHIPPED CREAM:

• 1 cup heavy cream, cold
• 2 1/2 tablespoons confectioners' sugar

CAKES:

• 1 cup dark chocolate chips
• 1 stick plus 2 tablespoons (5 ounces) unsalted butter
• 2 tablespoons brewed coffee
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
• 3 large eggs, lightly beaten
• 3 large egg yolks, lightly beaten
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder

Preheat the oven to 400°F. Lightly coat a 12-cup muffin tin with cooking spray.

To make the whipped cream: Beat the cream using an electric mixer in a large cold bowl until soft peaks form. Gradually beat in 2 tablespoons of the confectioner' sugar. Cover and refrigerate while you make the cakes.

To make the cakes: Melt the chocolate chips and butter in a medium saucepan over low heat, stirring frequently. Once the chocolate and butter are melted, stir in the coffee until smooth.

In a medium bowl, sift together the flour and confectioners' sugar. Stir in the chocolate mixture. Add the whole eggs and egg yolks one at a time, beating well after each addition. Stir in the vanilla.

Divide the batter evenly among the muffin cups. Bake until the cakes are slightly jiggly in the center, about 7 minutes. Run a butter knife around the edges of each cake and transfer the hot cakes to dessert plates. Top with a dollop of whipped cream and dust with the cocoa powder.

- See more at: http://www.boomerbrief.com/2011/11/modern-hospitality.html#sthash.LR1Iy3U4.dpuf

Molten Lava Cakes for a Crowd

Serves 12

Rich and fudgy brownies were the go-to dessert at Whitney's house when a chocolate craving struck. That is, until she started making her molten lava cakes. These rich, gooey cakes will satisfy even the most die-hard chocoholics, and since they're baked in a muffin tin, it's easy to whip up a large batch in no time at all.

WHIPPED CREAM:

• 1 cup heavy cream, cold
• 2 1/2 tablespoons confectioners' sugar

CAKES:

• 1 cup dark chocolate chips
• 1 stick plus 2 tablespoons (5 ounces) unsalted butter
• 2 tablespoons brewed coffee
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
• 3 large eggs, lightly beaten
• 3 large egg yolks, lightly beaten
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder

Preheat the oven to 400°F. Lightly coat a 12-cup muffin tin with cooking spray.

To make the whipped cream: Beat the cream using an electric mixer in a large cold bowl until soft peaks form. Gradually beat in 2 tablespoons of the confectioner' sugar. Cover and refrigerate while you make the cakes.

To make the cakes: Melt the chocolate chips and butter in a medium saucepan over low heat, stirring frequently. Once the chocolate and butter are melted, stir in the coffee until smooth.

In a medium bowl, sift together the flour and confectioners' sugar. Stir in the chocolate mixture. Add the whole eggs and egg yolks one at a time, beating well after each addition. Stir in the vanilla.

Divide the batter evenly among the muffin cups. Bake until the cakes are slightly jiggly in the center, about 7 minutes. Run a butter knife around the edges of each cake and transfer the hot cakes to dessert plates. Top with a dollop of whipped cream and dust with the cocoa powder.

- See more at: http://www.boomerbrief.com/2011/11/modern-hospitality.html#sthash.LR1Iy3U4.dpuf

Molten Lava Cakes for a Crowd

Serves 12

Rich and fudgy brownies were the go-to dessert at Whitney's house when a chocolate craving struck. That is, until she started making her molten lava cakes. These rich, gooey cakes will satisfy even the most die-hard chocoholics, and since they're baked in a muffin tin, it's easy to whip up a large batch in no time at all.

WHIPPED CREAM:

• 1 cup heavy cream, cold
• 2 1/2 tablespoons confectioners' sugar

CAKES:

• 1 cup dark chocolate chips
• 1 stick plus 2 tablespoons (5 ounces) unsalted butter
• 2 tablespoons brewed coffee
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
• 3 large eggs, lightly beaten
• 3 large egg yolks, lightly beaten
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder

Preheat the oven to 400°F. Lightly coat a 12-cup muffin tin with cooking spray.

To make the whipped cream: Beat the cream using an electric mixer in a large cold bowl until soft peaks form. Gradually beat in 2 tablespoons of the confectioner' sugar. Cover and refrigerate while you make the cakes.

To make the cakes: Melt the chocolate chips and butter in a medium saucepan over low heat, stirring frequently. Once the chocolate and butter are melted, stir in the coffee until smooth.

In a medium bowl, sift together the flour and confectioners' sugar. Stir in the chocolate mixture. Add the whole eggs and egg yolks one at a time, beating well after each addition. Stir in the vanilla.

Divide the batter evenly among the muffin cups. Bake until the cakes are slightly jiggly in the center, about 7 minutes. Run a butter knife around the edges of each cake and transfer the hot cakes to dessert plates. Top with a dollop of whipped cream and dust with the cocoa powder.

- See more at: http://www.boomerbrief.com/2011/11/modern-hospitality.html#sthash.LR1Iy3U4.dpuf

Strong, Smart, Celebrated

Photo by Tara Moore/Getty Images

Let me start by saying I'm no crazy feminist. I support equal rights between the sexes and am passionate about women's rights, but it's not something I wish to constantly discuss with anyone and everyone. As a girl and now a woman, I have felt extremely supported in all of my goals and ventures by men and women alike. I've never had any sort of devastating run in with a man who has told me that I cannot and should not be doing something (particularly in ministry) because I am a female. For the most part, as a woman, I have felt strong, smart, celebrated.

When I was a junior in college, I heard Lisa Bevere speak at a conference. I had read a few of her books and was excited to hear her speak, especially because I could relate to being a woman who felt called to ministry. You know what I remember the most about her? I remember her telling a story about how she had two dreams/goals in life. One was to be a mother. The other was to be a writer/speaker in ministry in some regard. So she told this story about how the Lord enabled her to fulfill both dreams simultaneously. Here is what she said: "I remember waking up early in the morning to feed the baby. I would sit on my couch and write with the baby at my breast. And that's how I wrote my first book." What an empowering story! Pretty BA if you ask me. From that moment on, I had a different respect for women, especially women who felt called to careers and to motherhood. Today, I find myself to be one of those women. Lisa Bevere's story was one of the only real stories, shed in a feminist type of light, that had a powerful impact on me. As a woman, it made me feel strong, smart, celebrated.

A few days ago I read about how Getty Images launched their "Lean In Collection" (Think Sheryl Sandberg here).  This particular collection features over 2,500 photos of females in leadership in contemporary work and life. You know how they say pictures are worth a thousand words? I think these pictures really are. They shed a really beautiful light on women in all sorts of different roles. Like Lisa Bevere's story, I've run into another little something that, as a woman, makes me feel strong, smart and celebrated. I couldn't help but share. Check these images out! I've posted some links below.

• You can view the full Lean In Collection here.
• Or check out a Buzzfeed that's been making the rounds with 44 Stock Photos from the collection that hope to change the way we look at women here. 

The Bachelor Wedding: Grown Sexy or Just Plain Sex?

Last night I tuned into prime time television big time -- the Grammys and of course I had to take a sneak peak at the Bachelor wedding. I would say that last night was one of the biggest nights in popular culture in a long time, especially concerning marriage equality and sex. Of course, if you were watching the Grammys you know that Daft Punk won album of the year and record of the year for the {overplayed} summer hit, "Get Lucky." Then, Macklemore, Ryan Lewis and Mary Lambert performed "Same Love" as 33 couples were married by Queen Latifah. Then, ABC was broadcasting The Bachelor wedding of Sean Lowe and Catherine Guidici live.

All of those things spoke about our sex-driven culture. One of the most interesting things to me, though, was the Bachelor wedding. There's been magazine article after magazine article about Sean Lowe's faith and his commitment to abstain from sex until marriage. His beliefs make a statement. However, in some weird way, that statement turned mainline in the end. Our culture is not only obsessed with sex but has lost all total respect for it, in what appears to be, all instances. If you tuned in AT ALL to The Bachelor wedding a hour and half prior to the ceremony, you will know what I'm talking about. There was way less talk about the wedding and way more talk about the wedding night. ABC even {super awkwardly} had a live cam so viewers could see into the honeymoon suite. The rest of the programming contained lingerie shopping, a peek into Catherine's boudoir shoot for Sean and mention after mention about the wedding night. There were a few instances where viewers saw Catherine trying on dresses or picking out flowers; however, these moments were far overshadowed by all the wedding night talk. For two people who hadn't even had sex yet, there was A LOT of sex talk.

The one instance that really set me off though, was the very end scene; the one that played as the credits were rolling. The wedding was over and ABC cut out to the honeymoon suite (Sean and Catherine were not there yet). The lights were on and there was a sign on the door that said "honeymoon suite." Then, the lights turned low as ABC zoomed the camera out. Just when you thought it was over the camera stayed and kept a watchful eye on the honeymoon suite as the credits started to roll. Then the noises started -- some "bow-chicka-wow-wow" music, an owl hooting, a train going by. At first I thought, "Oh, whatever." But then the noises grew in number and got louder and louder as the camera kept an eye on the ever-glowing honeymoon suite. Ok, enough already. Twitter fans started catching on. These noises had a purpose, they were sending a pretty overt message. What a distasteful way to end the show! How ABC ended up taking a lack of sex and focusing completely on sex is pretty beyond me. Marriage is about sex; but it's also about 100 other things.

It's not a secret that our world has lost respect for sex. What's beginning to worry me though is that we seem to be nurturing a really raunchy disrespect towards sex. I'm just going to say it, I was not okay with the way ABC/Sean/Catherine and whoever else allowed the show to carry on. I'm not on board with all lingerie shopping, the sneak peek into the boudoir shoot scene and the excessive wedding night talk. Don't get me wrong, all of those things are great within the right contexts. I'm a married woman, for heaven's sake! I think lingerie, boudoir shoots and sex are all plenty fun. But publicized on ABC? This, my fellow blog readers, was the absolute wrong context. Catherine claimed that she wanted her wedding to be "Grown sexy," whatever that means. But, honestly, I feel like all ABC did was portray their impending sex life as one big party. I think all of this goes to show that those of us who believe in saving sex for marriage still have a responsibility, when given the chance and opportunity, to be modest because sex really is something that's sacred and it's not just some party that we desperately can't wait to participate in someday.

*I should note that the wedding ceremony itself was really, really beautiful. Sean's dad did an excellent job at explaining the purpose of marriage. I am really happy for Sean and Catherine. But this is a blog post about sex and popular culture, nonetheless.

Wrestling

Last week I took an intensive course. Asbury has a January term every year and it's a great opportunity to pick up some credit hours before school commences again in February. This January I took United Methodist Doctrine and Polity. Sounds really exciting, right? That's what I thought, too. However, it turned out to be a really great class, partly due to my professors and partly due to yes, the Doctrine and Polity that we studied. I honestly thought the class was going to be extremely dry, torturous even. However, it really was the opposite of that. The only torturous part was sitting in a chair from 8:00 - 5:00 for a week straight and staring right into my computer screen. Other than that, though, I found that (to me at least) Doctrine is really beautiful thing.
One of my assignments for the class is to answer nine questions from the United Methodist Book of Discipline about what I believe to be true. These questions will be used one day when I go before the big and scary board of ordained ministry in hopes of being ordained as a deacon in the UMC. The questions range from "What is your understanding of evil, as it exists in the world?" to "How do you plan to teach, affirm and apply United Methodist Doctrine in the area of ministry to which you have been called?" One thing that I've discovered about this assignment is that it is not easy. I don't know if I was expecting it to be so. But, you all know me. I'm a writer. Writing is my thing; it's easy for me to do; I love it. It brings joy to my heart. However, yesterday, writing my answers to these questions was not easy and it certainly was not fun. It was making me mad, actually. I was stuck in my own writer's block -- 100% stuck, woven in, tangled up in my own mind. My writing, or lack thereof came to a halt. I ended up taking a break and then went back to press through and answer the first two questions of my assignment. Then, I quit. Later that evening, I sat in bed screaming, in my head, "God, PLEASE help me write what I believe about you." I went to bed exhausted, defeated, begging and pleading with God that today might be a better writing day. Ha. Alright, that last sentence was a little dramatic. But I really did feel a bit defeated. I've written credo after credo about what I believe about God, but somehow these ordination questions became very difficult for me to articulate.
They say joy comes in the morning so this morning I woke up with a spring in my step, ready to prance five feet to my couch in order to answer more questions. I said a little prayer and then I began writing, answering question after question. Today was an easier writing day; by the grace of God I began to think I might actually believe a thing or two about the Almighty. Ha.
Really, though, how important it is to wrestle with raw thoughts about what we believe. I am thankful for yesterday because it led to me to today. That thinking and wrestling was not in vain! The further I press into this assignment, the more I realize how everyone should have to answer these questions, not on account of mere torture, but because we are transformed when we are forced to articulate what we believe. We are able to know the difference between something that's orthodox and something that's heretical. We are able to articulate exactly why Jesus had to come and die, what that even means to us today and why it should even matter. Someday (Lord willing) I will teach others the beliefs of the faith. My wrestling is not only to my benefit, but to theirs, too. What a privilege it is to wrestle because wrestling leads to articulation and articulation helps us to worship right; it helps us worship more fully and grow into who we are meant to be. Perhaps wrestling is a true and pure form of discipleship. So, today, I encourage you to wrestle and to take heart in tomorrow; because tomorrow will bring a new light, a new articulation. I take hope in this: surely we reap from wrestling.

Well, that's precisely how I felt yesterday.