{Words}

We've finally set a date to move to Kentucky. Looks like August 13th will be the big day. This entire summer, I was sure that we would be moving August 20-something. Seminary doesn't even start until September and we didn't really need to be in Kentucky until the end of August anyway. I say all of that to say this: the new moving date really has me worried.

Last night, Kyle and I were sitting on our couch talking about the move. He's so calm. I am so not. What's even worse is that I realize 1,000 times a day that I put us in this situation. For some reason I am starting to consciously realize that there are a lot of unknowns. And.it.freaks.me.out.

So, this is where the story actually gets encouraging and interesting. Yesterday morning, I was reading my Bible and journaling when I also decided to pick up a book called "John Wesley on Prayer." I've been following along with this book on a daily basis for awhile now because I love prayer and I love John Wesley. That's excuse enough. The "JW thought" that I read for the day was titled "Deny self to obey the Lord." Basically it ripped me a part. It talked about how when we are in times of dryness or pain (or worry) we often forget to be fervent in Spirit. I am not going to lie, the seminary process hasn't been easy or enjoyable really for me. And I've realized that I have been praying a lot for Kyle to get a job and for God to "provide" without really even having faith in my own prayers. Much more, my prayers have been selfishly centered around me {and Kyle} by default.

I realized that this was at the root of my problems. My prayer life has felt dry because my prayers are so selfish and faithless. My long prayers have only caused me more agony. With that said, I bring 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 to the table: "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing...give thanks." The best way I can put this is only in John Wesley's own words: "Our Lord has purchased joy, as well as righteousness for us. Thanksgiving is inseparable from true prayer; it is almost essentially connected to it. One who always prays is ever-giving praise, whether it's in ease or pain, both for prosperity and great adversity."

My prayer life needed re-routed. Instead of praying for the perfect job for Kyle or the perfect type of provision for us, I choose, instead, to offer up prayers of thanksgiving for the ways that God has already provided and will provide for us in the future. If the Bible is clear about anything it's that God does indeed take care of us. The only way I can think of to end this rather emotional blog for me is to say "truly" or "Amen," hoping that these words are prayers themselves.