{Words}

We've finally set a date to move to Kentucky. Looks like August 13th will be the big day. This entire summer, I was sure that we would be moving August 20-something. Seminary doesn't even start until September and we didn't really need to be in Kentucky until the end of August anyway. I say all of that to say this: the new moving date really has me worried.

Last night, Kyle and I were sitting on our couch talking about the move. He's so calm. I am so not. What's even worse is that I realize 1,000 times a day that I put us in this situation. For some reason I am starting to consciously realize that there are a lot of unknowns. And.it.freaks.me.out.

So, this is where the story actually gets encouraging and interesting. Yesterday morning, I was reading my Bible and journaling when I also decided to pick up a book called "John Wesley on Prayer." I've been following along with this book on a daily basis for awhile now because I love prayer and I love John Wesley. That's excuse enough. The "JW thought" that I read for the day was titled "Deny self to obey the Lord." Basically it ripped me a part. It talked about how when we are in times of dryness or pain (or worry) we often forget to be fervent in Spirit. I am not going to lie, the seminary process hasn't been easy or enjoyable really for me. And I've realized that I have been praying a lot for Kyle to get a job and for God to "provide" without really even having faith in my own prayers. Much more, my prayers have been selfishly centered around me {and Kyle} by default.

I realized that this was at the root of my problems. My prayer life has felt dry because my prayers are so selfish and faithless. My long prayers have only caused me more agony. With that said, I bring 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 to the table: "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing...give thanks." The best way I can put this is only in John Wesley's own words: "Our Lord has purchased joy, as well as righteousness for us. Thanksgiving is inseparable from true prayer; it is almost essentially connected to it. One who always prays is ever-giving praise, whether it's in ease or pain, both for prosperity and great adversity."

My prayer life needed re-routed. Instead of praying for the perfect job for Kyle or the perfect type of provision for us, I choose, instead, to offer up prayers of thanksgiving for the ways that God has already provided and will provide for us in the future. If the Bible is clear about anything it's that God does indeed take care of us. The only way I can think of to end this rather emotional blog for me is to say "truly" or "Amen," hoping that these words are prayers themselves.

#MarriageandMedia

About a month ago, I wrote a blog called #MourningandMedia, it related to how social media is now a very real and big part of the mourning process when people in our world and our communities pass away. I have been wanting to make a mini-series out of this type of social media thing and gathered some new-found inspiration to write this blog. So, today I bring you, #MarriageandMedia

In the same way that social media helps our world mourn, we see the same effect when it comes to celebration. For Kyle and I, this summer is the wedding summer on steroids. We know SO many couples getting married. One of the funniest things that I have observed when my FB friends get married is the constant check-back to their profiles (Heck, yes, I do this, too!). Your own FB world tunes in to your big day by constantly refreshing the page, looking for a way to connect with you on a personal level. We hear stuff like this all the time when we are observers and even say them ourselves: "Are there any pictures of them up yet?" "Oh my gosh, look at her dress, it looks just like her!" "Have they changed their relationship status yet?" "Has she changed her last name yet?" "Where did they go on their honeymoon? Are there pictures yet?" We say all this in the name of being connected and sometimes, nosy :).

Social media is a tool we use to celebrate. So what? I think this is awesome! I love receiving messages and posts on FB talking about the wedding. However, sometimes, I think we go too far. Some couples go as far as incorporating FB into their wedding ceremony by changing their relationship status at the altar, right before their first wedded kiss. In a poll/study done by David's Bridal, they noted that nearly 50% of brides change their name between the wedding and reception. Other couples create their honeymoon album on FB while they are on their honeymoon! Isn't it a honeymoon and not a communitymoon? Send some updates here and there, but play a little hard-to-get with your FB world and spend some new time with your spouse! Upload your photos when you get back.

Now, the thing that brought me down-to-earth the most with this whole social media thing is changing my name on Facebook. Everyone keeps asking, "When are you going to change your name on Facebook, Mrs. Just?" Why does everyone want me to change my name? Why do I want to change my name? Because it is the FIRST thing that will say "Molly Just." Unlike a driver's license or any other government issued document, the first public thing that will say "Molly Just" is my Facebook page, it's instant, giving me and everyone in my FB world an accomplished feeling. Well, until your last name is "Just." Apparently I cannot change my last name because "Just" violates FB name standards. Whatever that means. So, in order to change my name online, I must upload a copy of a government issued I.D. I think Facebook wins this one. In the meantime, I will enjoy being "Molly Komlofske" online until some sort of identification comes in.Click on the screen shot below.

#MourningandMedia

So many blogs have been written about social media in the past decade and the weight that it holds in our lives. Lately I have been thinking about social media and death. We've all seen Twitter kill Justin Beiber, Jackie Chan, etc. Ha, ha Twitter. The Beib and Chan live on! Today, I want to hit on something a bit more serious. Lately I have been evaluating the reactions that people have on social media when loved ones die. How strange it is to pull up Facebook and find your friend still well preserved online. Facebook tells you to "message him or her" or "tell him or her happy birthday." It's a strange dichotomy.

Young people now cope in a different way. Memorial groups are created on Facebook and loved one's walls are covered in truly heart-felt messages. Supportive comments are given and prayers are lifted up. #Hashtags are created. And somehow, we don't forget. A visit to a Facebook wall or group is only a click away, providing an unspoken relief to those affected by the grief, even months down the road.  

Again, a strange dichotomy. They are dead, but they are somehow alive. I think this type of coping is a new and natural part of our society, especially in the younger generation. In some way, of course, it's healthy. It's like modified journaling and somehow social media connects us in more than just one way back to a person. At the same time, we cannot forget the importance of stepping out into community and being healthy that way. We can't forget what it means for us, psychologically, to talk real words with people in the flesh. We must remember that sitting around and sharing memories is just as important as sharing them on Facebook, even more so, in my opinion. 

In my mind, there are two things to glean from this. 1. Social media opens up a new way to cope and that can be a really great thing. 2. Psychologically, we must help prepare people to deal with mourning in an even greater way. Part of that includes being present for one another.

A Novel Idea

A mock tablescape -- we were trying to get a feel for the real thing!

When Kyle and I got engaged on August 6, 2011, I knew I wanted to plan the wedding of the 2012 Western Kansas summer! They say that girls dream of their weddings from the time that they are young. I was one of those, I am sure. I particularly remember wearing a big white quilt as a wedding dress and one of my mom's white slips as a veil (countless times) when I was little. Looking back, I am positive that I looked more like a nun rather than a bride. Oh well. Fast forward 18 years and here I am. After getting engaged, I decided that the details of a wedding and the possible hospitality that a wedding can provide were going to be of the utmost importance to me. So, with the help of Southern Weddings Magazine, I decided to put a novel idea into practice and I am writing to report that it's actually taking place.

Upon engagement, my mom bought me some different wedding magazines to get ideas -- Southern Weddings was one. In one article, I noticed a story of a bride and her mother who scouted vintage china plates to feed all 275 of their guests at their wedding dinner. I was immediately interested. Who does that? Not to mention, it must be extremely expensive. Nevertheless, I was intrigued. I mentioned the idea to my mother-in-law-to-be, Mary Lou, and she asked me when we were going to get started. I thought, "Well, I guess this could be a possibility." So, we started telling people what we were wanting to do and we all started scouting out thrift stores, antique shops and Goodwills for random plates. For a while, I honestly thought the idea would flop. Our goal was to collect over 300 plates for our wedding supper. Low and behold, in the time that it takes a woman to conceive and bear a child, we have collected over 300 plates for our wedding dinner! So, I must say a few things. First, THANK YOU x 1000000000 to all who helped us collect -- My mom, Aunt Nancy, Jackie Nichols, Becky Miller, Mary Lou Just, Betsy Bunnel, Grandma Bowers to name a few! Second, I am happy to report that this project cost approx. .50 a plate, perhaps even less. Third, Goodwill has a lot of china plates looking for a home. Fourth, you might discover your great grandmother's china in an old garage if you search hard enough. Fifth, for all those searching brides who might want to put this idea into practice, I will have a lot of plates when things are said and done :). Last of all, what an amazing opportunity to build relationships, search, scour and bond and make this wedding experience a fantastic one. I'd encourage all brides to find a special project like this that can bring family, friends and loved ones together. 

Our Counseling Guru

Naturally, since we are getting married in June, Kyle and I have been attending pre-marital counseling at our church in Winfield. We really enjoy our therapist and I normally walk away week to week intrigued by the knowledge that she passes on to us. One of the things that Kyle and I have talked about with her during the last few sessions has been enmeshment vs. disengagement -- two states that are better avoided in a marriage. Enmeshment is the idea that couples have to be together all of the time. Often times, couples who are suffering from enmeshment will claim that their significant other "completes" them and they cannot see where they end and the other person begins. The opposite of that, then, is disengagement. Couples who are disengaged from one another tend to be closed off and far from their significant other. As you can imagine, both states are damaging. Kyle and I are pretty good at spending time together and time apart and that has always been pretty important to us. Even though I am marrying Kyle, I don't want him to complete me! And I certainly do not want to live with a stranger. I want him to complement me. I want to be a better person because he is around...

Maybe a Vase with Bamboo

So, tonight, Kyle and I celebrated Valentine's. He planned it all out. One of the things he planned was for us to go out to Olive Garden to eat. We went to the newest one in Derby, which is right next to Target. It's getting close to time for us to register for our wedding, so I thought it would be a good idea to go scope out some potential registry items after supper and Kyle agreed. We have an idea of how we want things in our house (or should I say, I have an idea). Kyle kind of lets me go with the decorating flow. However, I have learned some things about him when I ask for his opinion and I am trying to make this "decorating: marriage style" thing work. Tonight, when we were looking around, Kyle was saying some of the most HILARIOUS stuff. So, I started nonchalantly taking notes on my phone so I could blog, verbatim, what he said. Here are a few Kyle moments:

• We have decided on a comforter already that we want for our bed. The comforter is slate gray, so we were looking at sheets to accent it. I thought a blue or darker yellow would go great as an accent color with the bedspread. Kyle, on the other hand, wasn't a fan of either color. So, we talked about sheets for quite a bit. Then, we were moving on and he said to me..."That was long." I responded with, "What was long?" and he said "We just had a detailed discussion...about sheets."
• Moving on, we were looking at other comforters, just to see if there was anything else that we liked better than the slate gray one. I found a purple one with a modern floral design and asked him if he liked it (every time I ask him what color he wants our living room/kitchen/bathroom/bedroom to be, he says "purple"). He looked at me and said, "I don't really like it. I just don't want to sleep under flowers."
• Ok -- moving forward. We moved on to housing decor. I found a huge black floor vase. I said to Kyle, "Hey, this vase is fun." He responded and said "Ya! I like that thing." I thought to myself..."Phew...winning." And I then said, "I think it would look fun with some bamboo in it or something." He looked at me blankly and said, "You mean, that's not for our umbrellas and canes?"
• We then proceeded to have a strange quabble about clocks. Kyle got really excited when we reached the clock area. He said "I really like to have clocks in all of the rooms, so I know what time it is, but I don't like fancy clocks, I just like simple clocks." Hmmm...I don't know how I feel about lots of clocks. So, he found a weather radar/clock combination and insisted we register for it instead.

That's just a little bit of registry fun. I seem to learn something new everyday, even about my future spouse. I think it can be summed up like this: purple, clocks, no.flowers.at.all, white/gray sheets (although, he liked the idea of Zebra accent pillows...say what?), maybe a vase with bamboo.

Honorable Hourglass

This weekend, I was blessed by a local women's retreat! It was great to "get away" for an evening and morning and just have fun learning in the presence and experience of other women. During this morning's session, there was a Q and A panel with four local ladies. One of the ladies was answering a question and was talking about the importance of honoring time. This is something that I have been thinking about a lot -- since last summer, really, and I thought it would be good to blog about it.

One of the things I have discovered over the past year is the importance of honoring time. To each season, there is an importance, a relevance, a purpose. Last summer, I couldn't wait to get engaged. I had been dating Kyle for almost two years and it was just time. I didn't know when things were going to happen, but when summer was about to end and we weren't engaged yet, I spent more time panicking than anything else. Wondering when the time would come. Hmmm.

My current journal is blue. I refer to is as my "blue" journal, too. It is full of too many boo-hoos. There was a time right before I was engaged that I just decided that I really needed to strive to live in the moment, honor time, let it be what it would be. Then, low and behold, engagement day came. Now, I find myself having to sit back and enjoy my engagement. It's also my last semester of college -- instead of freaking out about my future, I need to slow down and enjoy this time. How important it is to not "check out" yet -- to not ditch friends yet, academics, professors, college life. It's not my time to go find a full-time job yet. It's not time quite yet. I think honoring time is a discipline that is going to be more beneficial if it's learned now. It's time to honor time. You're not getting these current moments back.